The dilemma of extended umbilical cord

A dilemma that most Indian parents face is when to cut the emotional umbilical cord? Even a parent like me who struggles to maintain stoic objectivity in my relationship with children, stumble ….there is always the nagging thought that “ no one knows better than mom” So, whether it is a warm oil massage, or rustling up a favourite dish….the motivation behind all this activity is just one over riding factor- : I have known my child more than others …..the nine month edge…hence no one think better for the child”.

My experience and experiments as an Educator tells me that the extended umbilical cord often does more damage than good. This cord puts so much of emotional pressure on the child that it stifles independent thought and action. Crippling the child permanently…never letting the child really grows up. Such is the ambit of this cord that it creates a protective blanket around the child insulating the child from all trials and tribulations in life. Crippling the child permanently; never letting the child “grow up” enough to take decisions in life.

I have wondered when the wife in a woman gives in to the mother. I have seen women live away from their husband with whom they share (supposedly) a much more intimate relationship ( at least technically). What triggers this sudden preference of roles? What makes a woman forget all their marriage vows to go to some remote location only to cook and feed the child; leaving the husband to fend for himself. The wife in the woman rests assured that the relationship with the husband is secure ( ab is umar mein jatyega kahan!) and so she chooses the other relationship which is constantly facing onslaughts of hormone driven temptations.

In this gamut of relationships what applies to Peter does not apply to Pan. For example if the husband does not snap the umbilical cord with the appearance and establishment of the wife….then the poor man has no peace. So, the problem begins when History repeats itself! The entry of an inferior creature, young, nubile, inexperienced, upstart, etc, is viewed with a lot of resentment. This is a necessary evil to ensure the occurrence of the circle of life! This one element sometimes chosen after many rejections becomes the catalyst for many more disasters in future. So, while History unfolds its set pattern, the parents are lost, disillusioned and devastated!

The parents, who have lost out on precious time with each other, are now suddenly thrown together. In this entire cycle, the loser is the woman, the wife and as a fall out the husband. In the twilight of their life they end up playing nannies to their grandchildren and bear the insults piled on them by their own flesh and blood that cannot dump their parents for the fear of loss of inheritance. And they all continue to shamelessly exist: parents at the mercy of their ungrateful, insensitive children. Children who see no use of their parents except to look after their children; Children, who never forgive their parents for not snapping the Umbilical cord!